Friday, February 25, 2011

So Much for Pretending

I sit a lot and pretend a lot. I know it's not healthy and doesn't achieve anything, but it is so nice to just pretend for a few minutes that she didn't die. Here's how it goes...

October 1st, 2010 -
We go in for our ultrasound and see Nathan. "He looks great. We think he's close to 7 pounds. He's got a strong heartbeat. Looks like he is growing and doing great." Then we see Alexis. "She also looks great. We think she is about 6 and a 1/2 pounds. Look at that strong heartbeat. She is growing really well." We talk to the doctor and she says, "Things are looking great for both babies. I really believe you will be able to carry the babies until your scheduled c-section in a few weeks."

October 22nd, 2010 -
We arrive for our scheduled c-section. I get prepped for delivery. I am laying on the table and hear a strong cry. "It's a boy!!!" Lee tells me that Nathan looks perfect. A couple of minutes later I hear another strong cry. "It's a girl!!!" Lee tells me that Alexis looks perfect. I start to cry tears of immense joy. Then a few minutes later Lee brings over the precious babies. I look at each of them and they look the same. I kiss them both, tears rolling down my cheeks. I am so happy and overwhelmed with gratitude to God. I get in my room and the babies are brought in. They are just beautiful. All of our family and friends come in and hold them. It is the greatest day of our lives.

We bring the babies home. It's crazy and overwhelming, but we are so thrilled to have two precious babies. They grow and change more and more each day. They sleep together, play together, and it's so fun watching them together.

I know it's silly to play this game, but it feels so good to just pretend sometimes.

1 comment:

  1. My therapist once guided me through something like this regarding a painful situation in my past. She encouraged me to imagine things "the way they should have been." She said that was a healthy way to deal with grief. It was hard to do, but also a good thing. And the healthiest part is that you still realize that God is Good, even though your past is riddled with pain. And you are allowing Him to comfort you. Rock on, girl.