Spackle

Since we lost Alexis at 35 weeks, we had everything completely ready including her 1/2 of the nursery to be shared with Nathan. I would say that taking all of her stuff out of their room the day after the funeral was the 3rd hardest day of my life. It was so painful to pack up that precious baby bedding, stuffed animals, clothes, burp cloths, and all the other things we had for her. I think the hardest part was pulling down the letters of her name on the wall. Lee meticulously put each letter up so that they were just perfect. I hand painted each letter and the butterflies that surrounded them. It was awful taking them down. One butterfly even broke in two when we were taking it off the wall. I was losing it the entire time. There are holes all over her wall from her letters. We've been so busy that they are still there. I look at them often and think of them as symbolism of my heart. My heart had so many holes in it after I lost her. The broken butterfly is a symbol of my broken heart. Someday soon Lee will fill the holes with spackle. The broken butterfly went into my Alexis Box. Over the past 172 days, I can honestly say that I have felt God spackling the holes in my heart and putting the pieces back together. My prayer and hope is that He spackles yours and puts it back together as well.