One year ago today I got a positive pregnancy test for the twins. It was so exciting. I called Lee, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my sister. I was so excited!!! Who would have known that a month later we would see two heartbeats, 14 weeks later we would find out we were having a boy (Nathan Reid) and a girl (Alexis Faith), and 31 weeks later I would have the worst day and one of the best days of my life all wrapped up into one day.
It's been one of the best years of my life. I got to be pregnant with two precious babies. I got to grow two lives in my body. I got to hear, "It's twins!" "It's a boy!" "It's a girl" I got to have 3 awesome baby showers and get spoiled with gifts and fun (and lots of yummy cake). I got to decorate the most beautiful nursery. I got to anticipate so many wonderful things. I got to have my precious son, Nathan Reid. He has been the biggest blessing in my life. He has given me joy and happiness on days when I would've just liked to stay in bed away from the world. When he smiles I see hope.
It's been the worst year of my life. A lot of the above was crushed when I heard, "Baby B doesn't have a heartbeat." Baby B was my sweet Alexis Faith. It was the worst day of my life when I lost her. It has been really hard these past few months.
It's been a crazy year - lots of happiness, sadness, joy, grief, pain, heartache, and overwhelming closeness to the Lord. The one thing I know for sure in all of this is that God is the same today as we was yesterday and will be tomorrow. He has me in His hands and won't drop me. He will carry me through each day of my life. He understands my pain.