The other night I was watching one of my favorite shows, One Tree Hill. Please don't judge. It was an episode where one of the main characters got married and was a beautiful bride. Even though she and her mother have a unique relationship (hey they all do on TV, right), she was there even though her father wasn't and walked her down the aisle. Even though in my dreams Alexis' daddy, my wonderful husband, would have walked her down the aisle (God willing of course), it made me cry.
When I was pregnant with Alexis I would envision our life together and one of my big visions would be of her wedding. She would say, "Momma and Daddy, I'm getting married." We would plan a beautiful wedding and we would go to a bridal boutique and pick out the perfect dress. Then on the night before, I would tell her how proud I was of the Godly beautiful woman she had become and that she was going to make a great wife and mom. I was going to tell her what a honor and blessing it had been to raise her. Then on the big day everyone would leave the room and I would help her zip up her dress, put her veil on, fluff her dress, and give her a big hug and tell her "I love you."
I know that we don't know what life will bring or how things will go, but it is so fun to dream. I know that I may have other children and maybe even daughters and get to enjoy their lives with them, but I will always remember the dreams and plans I had for Alexis.
I have thought about these things too. I was going to have that mother-son dance and have a momma's boy. Dwight could go shooting with Kember (afterall we did name him after a gun). Dreaming is fun. And God can restore both of us giving us our hearts desire. I believe that b/c of our loses we will be better mothers/wives/christians than we could have ever been without going through this. I will never be the same and I'm thankful for that.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean Danise. We can enjoy thinking about what we would have done and how perfect it would have been. It's not marred by anything. I agree. I am so much stronger in my faith now. I love my family and appreciate things I never appreciated enough before. I am so thankful that we will never be the same. It's hard but I know that God is refining us with the fire.
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