Sunday, October 17, 2010

My Letter to Alexis Faith

When I was a little girl, I longed to be a mommy. I had countless baby dolls, loved on every baby that came my way, and babysat anytime I could. For me, being a mommy had to be the greatest experience in the whole world. I thought of the day when I would have children of my own and it made me so happy. I was so thrilled when we had Luke and loved being a mommy so much that I longed to have more children.

On February 24th, I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I was so excited that I took one or more every single day until I finally believed it. We had been praying to get pregnant for months (well really for years) and we were over the moon when we did.

A few weeks later on March 25th, we went for our first ultrasound and were thrilled when we saw your brother, Nathan. Then the ultrasound technician said, “And here’s something you probably weren’t expecting.” I said, “Twins?!” and the nurse said, “YES!” She said, “Well it may just be an empty sac but I am going to check.” Daddy and I both immediately said, “Please let it be another healthy baby.” When we saw and heard your heartbeat, the tears and laughter started. Even though we never planned to have twins, we were elated. We knew immediately that God had a perfect plan and we were thrilled about it.

Over the weeks we got even more excited thinking about your names and what your genders would be and what you would be like. On June 4th, we went for the big ultrasound where we would find out your genders. I had a strong feeling at least one of you would be a girl. First we saw Nathan and we were thrilled. Then we saw our precious baby girl. We were so excited to have a little girl. We decided to name you Alexis Faith because it means “defender” and “faith”. We thought it was the perfect combination for our sweet girl.

I spent the next 17 weeks feeling your kicks, watching my belly move, and just loving carrying both you and your brother. It was the greatest experience of my life growing both of you. I felt like God really gave me a double miracle.

I thought about you all the time and dreamt about what we would do together, my first born daughter and me. I thought about all of the holidays and birthdays we would celebrate. I thought of brushing your beautiful brown hair (yes I knew you would have brown hair) at night as we talked about life. I thought about taking you horseback riding and painting your nails. I thought about the day you would get your ears pierced and how we would go for ice cream to celebrate. I thought about the countless hours we would spend in the kitchen, me teaching you how to bake from scratch and knowing that one day you would be baking for your own family. I thought of the day that you would accept Jesus Christ into your heart and how I knew you would never be the same. I thought about you graduating from high school and college and going out into the world a strong, Godly woman who would make an impact for Jesus. I thought about you finding your Godly husband and telling us that you were getting married. I thought about helping you plan your wedding. I thought about the day that Daddy would walk you down the aisle and give your hand over to your husband and the tears of happiness I would be crying from the front row. I thought about the days you would bring our grandchildren into the world. I thought about all the Mommy-Daughter days we would spend together making memories that would fill my heart and mind for the rest of my life. It gave me such a warm feeling knowing that we would be best friends. I loved you before I even met you. I knew you before you were even born.

With all of the plans I had for us, I know in my heart that God has a perfect plan for you. With all the love I have for you, I know God loves you more than I am even capable of. When I found out that you had gone home to be with Jesus, my heart ached more than it ever has. I can’t even put into words how it felt. But I know that He has a perfect plan and that all things work together for the good. He doesn’t make mistakes. I know you are in a perfect place that I can still only dream about. I know that one day Jesus will call me home and you will be there waiting for me. Until I see you again, I will dream of you each day, think of you each hour, and miss you all the time. Until then, I love you Alexis Faith.



  1. Wow! I am crying... beautiful! I just read "90 Minutes in Heaven" and am excited to go... You should read it if you haven't! Love & Prayers...

    Angie Willis

  2. Angie, Thanks. I love that book. I need to re-read it. I hope you and your precious family are doing well. Let's get the kids together soon!